Sober
by Shady Carson
Summary: Brian's feelings and life after Justin left him for the fiddler.  SongFic


Disclaimer: I do not own any QaF characters. The plot is from my imagination and is mine and mine alone.  
The song is Pink's 'Sober'. Though, I did change all 'girls' to 'boys' to fit the story.  
Read and Review, sorry for any mistakes, I had problems with spell check.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Shady~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I don't wanna be the boy who laughs the loudest  
Or the boy who never wants to be alone  
I don't wanna be that call at four o'clock in the morning  
'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home

Babylon was jumping, the thumpa-thumpa ring out so loud I couldn't hear my own thoughts, thank God. Anita, that bitch, I asked for E not fucking un-nameable pills made in a bathtub somewhere. Well fuck it. My feet moved me, my hips throwing out a twist here or there. Name-less trick 574, grinding against me like his life depended on it, God knows mine does... My inner existence is based off of him, them, all of them. The tricks fuel my life, making Brian Fucking Kinney real, because without them... I'm nothing, no one. I shake my head, trying to ride myself of all these thoughts; I came here so I didn't have to think. Not that I do anything I don't want to, I'm not running. I quickly pop another of those pills I got of Anita, and everything spins. Ugh... I think it's time to go home. I stumble outside trying to wrestle my phone out of my pocket. Barely making my way to my jeep I call Mikey.  
"What? Brian do you know what time it is?" he asks, I can tell he's mad, but I'm too high to care.  
"No Mikey, No I don't, but I do know I need you to drive me home." I hear him sigh and Ben mumbles something in the background.  
"Brian, its four in the fucking morning, you should be home sleeping. Like I _was_ just doing." I wasn't really paying attention, suddenly finding the paint job of the jeep very interesting.  
"Yeah, Yeah Mikey. See you when you get here".

Aahh, the sun is blinding  
I stayed up again  
Oohh, I am finding  
That's not the way I want my story to end

Fuck who the hell opened the fucking blinds, and where is that fucking noise coming from?  
"Justin, fucking close the blinds and kill the alarm!" I grumbled, slamming my head back into the pillow, but lift it once I receive no answer, and then it hits me. Justin left me for Ian a week ago, and I'm suddenly filled with this horrible pain that makes me want to curl into myself, but instead I make a mad dash for the toilet. Reaching it just in time for my insides to come out in painful retching accompanied by a massive headache. Fuck, when I'm sure there's nothing more in me to come out, I drag myself to the shower. The memories of my Sunshine and me plaguing me every thought.  
When I finally get down to Liberty Avenue my headache has decrease to a dull throb, but I still need some of Deb's heart stopping black coffee. Works wonders for a hangover, though having to sit through one of Deb's lecture's to get it is almost worth going without. A quick sarcastic hello to the boys and I'm at the counter yelling for Deb to get me coffee, I'm already late to the office, so that bastard "partner" of mine is going to give me hell, so I NEED coffee.  
Then the shock of blonde comes out from the back, apron and fine bubble butt in tow. His eyes shoot to me and mine to his and I swear everyone in here can feel the hidden tension. He quickly gets my coffee, automatically knowing that this morning I need it black. The fact that he knows me so well should piss me off, but I can't find it in me to be mad at him, not even for leaving me. I mean we weren't even in a relationship so he could leave anytime. It doesn't hurt, I swear...  
He hands it to me with a quick "2.50." I pull the twenty out of my pocket, I know I have smaller bills but I can't help taking care of him.  
"Keep the change." I say as he grabs it and I take my coffee.  
"Brian, I can't. It's a big tip." he tries to hand it back to me, and that alone hurts but I knew he would.  
"Take it." and with another word to anyone I leave.

I'm safe  
Up high  
Nothing can touch me  
But why do I feel this party's over?  
No pain  
Inside  
You're my protection  
But how do I feel this good sober?

I don't wanna be the boy who has to fill the silence...  
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth  
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation  
When I won't remember, save your breath, 'cause what's the use?

I don't think it's ever been this strained in the entire time I've known him. Not even the night I took his virginity can top this.  
The silence is killing us both, I can tell. Just by the way he's looking anywhere but at me. He had just tied my shell bracelet around my wrist, and now the quiet is eating me alive. It just reminds me that he's not mine anymore. And he was, he was mine no matter what I say, and all I did was push him off Kinney Cliff. So many times he told me, and I chose to ignore him. To the point that it was like I never heard him in the first place. I did though... but I never wanted to listen, and now it hurts. So bad that I can't even sleep without being totally smashed, so my dreams won't come. There all about him, about us. God what have I done...

Aahh, the night is calling  
And it whispers to me softly, "come and play"  
Aahh, I am falling  
And if I let myself go, I'm the only one to blame

"Please Brian, stay at home tonight." Mikey pleaded.  
"Why should I?" my arrogant reply only got me an exasperated look.  
"Because your gonna kill yourself if you keep going like this! When was the last time you slept, or ate?" he whined at me, and I knew he was right. I don't even remember the last time I ate, it seems so long ago, but it couldn't be, could it?  
"Please just for tonight, stop. Stay home, get some sleep and eat something. All those drugs and shit on an empty stomach is going to kill you. And Ill likely be the one to find you"! He screamed, storming towards the door.  
"You know" he continued as he got just outside, "He loves you, still does, but your just to stupid and stubborn to realize that he means it. Even with all your problems, and trust me there are plenty! He still loved and loves you. Maybe you should think about that before you go off and put some more of that crud in your system!" the slam of the iron door echoed in my brain and the heart I swear I don't have, and I found myself curling up into a ball. My tears dripped onto the upholstery of my 5000 dollar Italian sofa, but I could really careless.

I'm safe  
Up high  
Nothing can touch me  
But why do I feel this party's over?  
No pain  
Inside  
You're like perfection  
But how do I feel this good sober?

I'm comin' down  
Comin' down  
Comin' down  
Spinnin' round  
Spinnin' round  
Spinnin' round  
Looking for myself.. Sober

Comin' down  
Comin' down  
Comin' down  
Spinnin' round  
Spinnin' round  
Spinnin' round  
Looking for myself.. Sober

When it's good, then it's good, it's so good, 'till it goes bad  
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had  
I have heard myself cry  
Never again  
Broken down in agony  
And just trying to find a friend

He found me, I don't even know why he came over, but when he did, he found me. I'm in my little ball, asleep, but not peacefully. I can't remember what it was I was dreaming of but I woke to him holding me, whispering words that soothed my soul. Much like I did after the bashing and by then I couldn't even pretend to be mad, I'm just so tired. Mental, Physically, every way possible, I don't want him to go, I want him here by my side. If not forever, then at least for a little while, and I think he knows, He has to know, because I cant say it to him, so he has to. God, please let him know.  
"I know." He whispers,and I can hear the tears he's shedding in his voice as he says it. I just clutch to him, praying its not a dream, as he kisses my forehead and tells me he loves me. I can only nod, and I know he understands.

I'm safe  
Up high  
Nothing can touch me  
But why do I feel this party's over?  
No pain  
Inside  
You're like perfection  
But how do I feel this good sober?

I'm safe  
Up high  
Nothing can touch me  
But why do I feel this party's over?  
No pain  
Inside  
You're like perfection  
But how do I feel this good sober?

How do I feel this good sober?


End file.
